I broke up with my ex about 7 months ago and my son lives at his house, cause I live in an apartment and want my son to have a house…I see him daily though so Im always there…he will be 3 in december..the thing is m not in love with his dad nor do I have any romantic feelings for him, but I dont want my son to hate me either later in life…what should I do, I shoudl also say Iam currently with a great guy who i do love, but I am worried about my kid.
kids are actually pretty stinkin smart…the child would see the both of you miserable. i stayed with my ex for an extra 2 years after i officially gave up….i could see a marked difference in my girl over that time.
IS is a bad idea to get back with an ex for the sake of the kid?
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September 15th, 2007 at 11:17 am
Dont get together for the kids, you'll be miserable…
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September 15th, 2007 at 11:18 am
I don't see why your son would hate you. I think staying with a guy you don't like just because you had a child with him sets a bad example for the child. Would you want him to do something that made him unhappy? If your boyfriend trusts you, though, and there's an extra room at the dad's house, I don't see why you couldn't move in just to be there for your son.
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September 15th, 2007 at 11:20 am
I don't think that you should just get with this guy becuase of your son. You were with him before and it didn't work, your son will be fine later on in life knowing that you didn't say with someone you didn't love.
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September 15th, 2007 at 11:22 am
When the chemistry isn't there, it just isn't and you won't do yourself or your kid any good by being with someone you don't love. It's worst that your child grow up seeing the two of you disagree and argue all the time. You can't force yourself to love someone. I tried for 5 years and it didn't work out, we liked each other's company, but the chemistry just wasn't there. It was not healthy for either of us and the children for us to be mad all of the time and arguing. So do yourself a favor and follow your heart. Give all the love you can give to your kid and if possible, have him spend a lot of quality time with you so he knows that you are there for him.
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September 15th, 2007 at 11:22 am
No, I definatley think it is a bad idea to get back together with someone just for the kids sake espically if you don't love them because it will cause really bad arguments and then the kid will hear them and it will upset him. And then if you end on bad terms with your ex he might be funny with you and not allow you proper access because you will always be arguing when you see him.
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September 15th, 2007 at 11:22 am
Be a constant positive influence in your son's life.
If you are not in love with his dad and ultimately will end up fighting and arguing with the ex that will prevent you from positively impacting your son's life.
If you can visit your son regularly in your current living/custody situation and provide him with a nurturing loving mom why should you mess that up?
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September 15th, 2007 at 11:24 am
Getting back together with someone you don't love and have no romantic feeling for is the worst thing you could do for your son (and your ex.)
The biggest gift you can give your son is two happy parents who don't argue and fight with each other and who don't use him as bait or leverage against each other.
You don't say how the father feels about it, but I am assuming he still loves you if he is willing to get back together.
If that is the case, be sensitive to your ex regarding your new guy.
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September 15th, 2007 at 11:24 am
I should say, no. If your kid is find having you visit him daily you should keep it that way. Why be in a more serious relationship were both you and the father have problems because you don't love nor want to be in bed with him. Then your kid will see all of this happening. Do you kid this will be better for your son. Think about it.
Just leave everything how it is.
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September 15th, 2007 at 11:39 am
You've screwed this up so badly already that there's probably no turning back. The best thing for the child would be to have both his parents together. But you found another guy in short order, and that often means that he won't last either. You're also thinking about getting back with your ex "for the sake of the kid" even though you claim that you have no feelings for him. It's time for you to stop and take stock of things, because you don't know where you're going right now. That means no boyfriend for you, no girlfriend for him, you both go to a counselor and if you don't end up back together, at least know why you broke up. This could take months. Is your kid worth it?
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September 15th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
It's a horrible idea to get back w/ the ex JUST for the kids sake. Besides that, you just admitted you do no love or have romantic feelings for the man–how could you make a relationship last that isn't based on love and honesty? As long as you continue to love and care for your child, everything will work out. You child is young and probably won't remember much about when 'mommy and daddy' were together, therefore won't resent you.
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September 15th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
If you will be unhappy and that will affect your son. If your not in love with his dad it will most likely eventually end up in a break up and he would have to go through all the hurt again.
Would you want to try to date him/spend time talking w/him and see if you can fall back in love with him again? It happens! It would be worth a try since you have a child together, but if the love and feelings don't come back then I do not advise getting back with him b/c it wont work. If you do decide to date or spend time with him I wouldn't let your son know. If you are at their house at your son goes to bed you 2 could stay up and watch a movie and talk.
best of luck!
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September 15th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Yes that's a bad idea. Be a role model of how a man and a woman who have respect and love for eachother should act. House, Apartment who cares! Be an example adult. A house or an apartment it depends what happens behind the doors that molds the mind.
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September 15th, 2007 at 7:07 pm
yes its bad idea. first of all you can never go back for one thing. sure it looks good for how long. til he starts parting or doing the same things he did before and he will. this isn't the best thing for them. tehy will find out eventually and so will you. its not for kids they have learnt to go back. they do fie with another persona ndwork out beter. take care.
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September 15th, 2007 at 9:06 pm
is there some reason your son can't come with you??? your son needs to be with you and you dont have to be romantically involved with the dad to keep up this routine….I'm just really curious as to why your son is not living with you??? if you have time for another guy, you definitely have time to be getting your own place and having your son live with you…if you dont have a place of your own, you need to be getting your life in order and get your son back with you…if this guy you are with really cares about you as much as you do him..then he will understand…
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separated from hubby, 26 year old mother of 5 year old and 7 month old daughters(me fulltime student)..and they both live with me!!!
September 16th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
kids are actually pretty stinkin smart…the child would see the both of you miserable. i stayed with my ex for an extra 2 years after i officially gave up….i could see a marked difference in my girl over that time.
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September 18th, 2007 at 4:39 pm
You should not get back with someone because of the child because that child can sense that the parents don't like each other. They will see fighting and a loveless relationship and it's not good for them. Continue to see him and contact him on a regular basis and let him see that you are in his life and he will know that you don't hate him. If you are in a good relationship, that's great. Move on. Children can turn out okay if the parents aren't together. Try to maintain a good relationship with his father, though, so the child can see that adults can work together though they are apart.
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